In the language of the transgender community, Jessica Janiuk “passes.” She never liked the term, though, because it seems to suggest that she is “passing” herself off as something she’s not, when she is only being exactly who she is.
Jessica Janiuk is a 29-year-old woman who shares her story as a transgender. On Tuesday, she told the story to the Chippewa Falls Rotary Club of her transition from Matthew Janiuk to Jessica Janiuk, in what was one of the most unique presentations in the history of the club.
“Passing” in the transgender sense refers to a person’s ability to be regarded as a member of the gender with which they physically present themselves. Had Janiuk been speaking on any unrelated subject and the Rotary members and guests not known of her transition beforehand, it is highly doubtful anyone would have given a second thought to the fact that she is a woman.
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And that was one of the goals of Janiuk’s presentation, along with the openness with which she lives her life: To work toward acceptance and understanding of transgendered people as members of the gender they now belong.
Rotary President Dr. David Crane shared with the club his reasons for inviting Jessica before she spoke.
“When I was about 10 years old, one of my best friends was gay. When he was 16 years old he committed suicide. That was a wake-up call for me.“
Janiuk understood. Suicidal feelings were part of her history.
Growing up different
“As I grew up, I knew there was something different about me, and I couldn’t put my finger on it,” she said. “I cross-dressed at a very young age.“
She was the boy in the middle, with sisters both older and younger. She would take some of her sister’s clothes and had a secret stash hidden.
She was only 8 years old when she “put it together.” News came of the death of Christine Jorgensen, the world’s first widely known person to undergo gender reassignment surgery.
“I didn’t know they could do that,” Janiuk said. “I thought, ’that’s interesting. I wonder if that’s what I’m feeling.’”
She eventually came to accept that about herself, though she was still a boy.
“I realized I was a woman — or a girl,” she said. “And I knew if I said anything to anyone I would have no friends and live life alone.“
Suppressing emotions leads to depression, and Janiuk had a history of bouts of it through her adolescence and young adult life.
She said her cross-dressing surfaced on its own.
“I was deeply ashamed of it. I thought there was something wrong with me,” she said.
“When I was in high school, my parents found a secret stash of clothing and confronted me with it, and I was deeply ashamed.“
But what young Matthew was dealing with at that point was not being young and gay. He was attracted to girls and still is. Jessica Janiuk is a lesbian.
College years
Janiuk went to UW-Madison and did quite well, at first, but depression led to a drop in her grades.
“I dealt with so much depression I had to leave school,” she said.
She worked at a grocery store and tried to sort things out. The Internet was young, but she discovered on it information about transgender issues.
Eventually, she returned to school, at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, where she started “coming out.“
That doesn’t necessarily mean going fully public with one’s gender or sexual orientation issues.
“The real meaning of ’coming out’ is the feeling of the need to tell someone, so you know it’s going to be OK,” she said.
She said the first person she told about some of her issues dismissed the cross dressing as “no big deal.“
Coming out to her parents was difficult.
“There were some fights. I said some four-letter words to my parents that I’m not proud of,” she said.
Her parents thought it was a phase, or that she was part of some cult. At one point, Matthew, as Jessica was known then, brought his therapist to talk to his parents. The therapists assured them it was not a phase.
Janiuk related how her mother came up and hugged her and said that she loved her.
Janiuk began the transition, beginning to dress like a woman, and put on make-up. Janiuk was getting treatment through a Twin Cities clinic and was approved for hormone treatment, which was making her more and more of a woman.
She was approved for surgery — doctors do not do gender reassignments based on a mere request, but want to make sure it is really in the patient’s best interests.
Making the switch
Janiuk did not talk about details of the surgery, but she discusses it openly on her Web site. It is a major operation with a long recovery.
“I have been quite happy since my transition,” Janiuk said. “It’s been night and day.“
And things have more than smoothed over with her parents.
“They are my biggest supporters,” she said. “There was a time when I wasn’t sure if I would be able to go home.“
Janiuk said her older sister was always supportive, but her younger sister was more of a challenge. That’s because Janiuk came out when her sister was in high school. Word spread and the younger sister took a lot of flak in school.
Janiuk’s openness about her transformation is the exception rather than the rule in the transgender community. Many transgenders try to hide the fact that they were born a different gender in order to avoid any social stigma. But more and more people with gender identity issues are becoming more open about it.
The Rotary members had a number of questions for Janiuk, many having to do with her relationship with her family and others. One of the more common questions also came up: Why, if you are attracted to women, would you transform from a man to a woman?
Janiuk said transgenders can be of any sexual orientation.
“I have never been attracted to men, and I am a woman. That’s the best answer I can give,” she said.
Still, being a lesbian does present its problems. Although Janiuk is adamant that she is much happier now as a woman, that doesn’t mean life has been easy for her. On her Web site blogs she discusses her struggles in great detail, with loneliness being one of her experiences.
Janiuk has many friends, but a lesbian woman in her mid-20s can struggle to find a partner to establish a deeper relationship with, and some of the disappointments and anguish of that are reflected in her blog.
But she revealed to the Rotary Club that she is in a new relationship, with her partner planning to move here to be with her.
Janiuk has had her financial struggles as well, but now works at Site Pro, the Web site developer in Eau Claire. She once lived in Chippewa Falls for about 18 months.
So things are looking up for Jessica Janiuk. She continues to share her story when she can get speaking engagements, and says she feels when she shares her story every place is a safe place for her.
The Rotary members were very appreciative of Janiuk sharing her story. Several thanked her openly and remarked that she had opened some eyes.
And that might make the world more comfortable for both the Matthew Janiuks and the Jessica Janiuks of the world.
